Our Precious Little Alfie - Happiness Is Made To Be Shared

I have not written for long. My time passed by so swiftly because of Alfie, our first kitten. When I accepted a colleague’s offer of having a kitten, the first thing in my mind was my partner. He had been dreaming to have at least a cat or a dog in this country and I grabbed this opportunity straight away, it would mean a dream come true for him. Never had it occurred to me that Alfie would be more than a fulfilled dream, Alfie is a blessing from heaven. He is an absolute ‘Joy’!

Alfie does things that make my partner and I so happy every day. He is full of fun and energy. What really makes us laugh is when he plays his small balls like a football player. One day as we were watching him I came up with an idea of calling him a.k.a. David Beckham and the more we laughed with the thought of it. There are so many antics and writing them down would make them sound overrated rather than when you’re watching them in action so I would like to avoid that. Maybe a video cam would be a good idea, my partner and I have agreed.

So far there are two most significant things other than my career that I am blessed with when I arrived in this country. One is when I met my partner who has made me changed my lifestyle from spending beyond my means, meaning that I can afford not to work too many hours and only if I choose to and two is Alfie who has brought out that hidden child in me. There has not been a boring day with Alfie and I have been playing with him since day one.

With this happiness in mind I remembered my dearest cousin, Terry Deblois, the first person in my life whom I‘ve known to love cats so much. We grew up together and I could see her in my imagination, kissing her cats. That was so absurd to me considering my obsessive compulsive nature. Only to realise now what I have missed.

Our precious Alfie is such a beautiful creature and having his joyful and soulful company is one of the best things that ever happened to us this year, 2011. If only I could I would never live without Alfie or a cat again.

In fact as I am writing this blog Alfie’s dozing on my lap with his head resting on my right lower arm, quiet hard to type but he is so sweet, he can get away from it as a cat always do. That thought alone makes me laugh.

This blog is dedicated to my dearest partner,Las and my cousin,Titz, my two lovely and beloved children, Tj and Pau, my gorgeous grandchildren, Ice and Lester, and most of all to our precious little Alfie. Last but not least to my beautiful and kind colleague, Sonya who gifted Alfie to us.

               

Anything for Alfie

A week ago whilst at work my colleague approached me and asked me whether I wanted a kitten and then showed me his picture. As the phone was just in front of me I straight away called my partner and told him the good news with excitement.

Hold on, don’t ever think that I am an animal lover or to be specific a cat lover because I am not. I was so excited because my partner is and we have been contemplating for almost a year to get a cat to replace the memory of his cat that he lost a few years ago because of old age back in Sri Lanka. He had also a dog that he lost because of old age. The point is not about a dog or about the cat. It is about a deep seated love of my partner for his pets that needs to be filled and encouraged.

For eight years that we’ve been together my partner has never failed to reminisce the antics of his dog and his cat. They have been a part of our daily lives so you can just imagine how excited he is and so I am of the coming of the new member of our small family. You might be surprised but he has already a name. We will call him Alfie.

Alfie will be with us soon, we have to wait for the weaning stage to be over. Another week more if am not mistaken. Even then he is already dominating our topic of conversation. My partner has so many plans for him, can’t believe it. And you know how I stand for this, nod my head and say yes, amazed and well I must admit excited too.

There’s only a little hitch for me. I don’t know if I will be able to cope of the mess expected of a playful kitten boy. It really scares me. I would like to think that our house is immaculately clean and with him around I am not too sure. My partner though has promised this will be under his department.  I hope so yet my partner’s happiness is very important to me so anything goes.

 Anything and everything for Alfie.      

Snowdrops

Spirit free flowing with petals unfolding

A symbol of youth surviving at nature’s compelling cycle of life

In a drizzle of snow in between the glimmer of spring

Appearing out slowly with shyness and reservations

 Yet failing to hide its beauty by bowing down to the ground    

Leaving one for more reason to stare and admire 

 For its reassuring canvas of whiteness and purity

Creating magic everywhere as one unveils and blooms after another

As winter bids goodbye and gives homage for its grandeurs’ growth

Catching underneath the warmth and sunshine of spring

 Ready to hide and vanish with the sight of snow again

 For spring’s inspiration is no longer there to count to

 Unmindful as to where and when for happiness is found

 With grace in the company of another

 Like a snowdrop let purity stay as it is and wait

  Life will take you where you belong.

Because a promise of love is awaiting to be fulfilled

And find this golden place for you to be together again.

This free verse poetry is dedicated to one of our residents whose favourite flower is snowdrops. I wrote this poem as a promise to her.

Another Time And Beyond

 My Reflective Practice

Death! This is the concept that I need to come to grips within my kind of work. In fact I am sad when the leap of faith to save our residents’ life eventually changed into an eventful acceptance. When a resident’s time is running out all it takes at this stage is to give him the quality of comfort and dignity that he deserves. The goal is to give his life a beautiful ending in the eyes of his creator, friends and relatives.

Pondering upon the things that constitute our nursing practice I have realised that we all staff in general are giving our best efforts for our residents to be happy and comfortable in their remaining days.

Every nurse at T.O.P. will assess the resident against the ‘Gold Standards Framework’ ensuring that on a daily basis the palliative care that our particular resident needs are met. The difference or variance occurs from each individual resident’s choice and medical condition. The whole care is based on the resident’s individual care plans. A specific advance care plan is drawn that reflects  resident’s wishes on how he wants his care to continue and dealt with when his condition deteriorates and he will be no longer capable of making that future decision.  To deliver this care we reach out support from multidisciplinary team, e.g. Gp, palliative care team, etc. To a certain degree we honour relatives’ precious involvement as possible. Once the end of life care is established this will be handed down to all staff to ensure delivery and continuity. This is one of the examples of the clinical procedures that we do here at T.O.P. Our care home is operating vigorously according to the legal standards and policies as evidenced by its 3 star CQC award. The whole company’s philosophy and ethos of care, I can say are in place. But what I really want to highlight in this reflection is about the good attributes and values of staff delivering this exceptional care from behind those walls.   

On reflection the priceless thing that we do that makes us deliver excellent care to our residents are our amazing camaraderie, teamwork, and high regard for each other’s skills and heartfelt contributions no matter how small they are. In this home we all work as one and we all love and respect our residents. We connect and assume best interest from each other. By far one can expect an extra help when needed. It feels like we are family and our residents are our second parents.

Normally I have a difficult time accepting death with all the sadness it brings and represents plus the ghostly side of it but through the support of my colleagues and most importantly the wisdom of my residents I have gradually overcome my personal issues and fears. I must admit though that the ghostly side has not vanished at all.  

To witness death more often than normal is inevitable in this place but it is also here I have observed that death is imminent and more welcome. In truth it is our residents’ haven towards another time and beyond?

As one of the comments made by our resident during an intimate chat, “I am 99; I am ready to go and I thank you for my excellent care”. What a relief, being a nurse to hear these endearing words from a resident under my care has helped me in a way to move on and let go.

I wrote this article purposely for my reflective practice and because I have a blog I would like to share this with you all. I hope you’ll like it. Until next time...from me with love.

Where angels fear to tread...

I have been quiet for a while; so many things were happening, signs of a busy life? When one’s lifestyle is considered a success and ideal? My partner and I watched a film entitled, ‘The Joneses’. It is about a family who moved in a city suburb for the rich. The family is not real; they are created to sell a ‘lavish lifestyle’ literally from everything that they use – a range of top and expensive brands that they flaunt to create a model of a highly successful modern family. Judging from the disproportionate materialism and competitiveness that our world has become it is a ‘lifestyle’ that every family would probably like to afford. Don’t you think?

This is because our perception of ‘happiness’ has changed tremendously. It is pretty amazing how the power of these convincing adverts on how a ‘happy family would look like and behave’ can change our perspective of ‘true happiness’. One advert for example, showed how a mother is so pleased to know on the other end of the line from her son that he is going to get married. In reality would it be more endearing instead for the mother to hug him with joy if her son has managed to spell out the good news to her in person. In the olden days that is a memorable family meeting already with lots of foods, fun and love.  How many of us get out of our way and not depend on the modern gadgets to make up for togetherness for our family? Not a lot I expect, it is cool to offer very little of our time to our family now a days because we need to be somewhere else to afford them a lavish lifestyle. As parents or children we expect our family to understand us and sad enough it becomes an accepted norm in our society. Our generation will easily justify it now as ‘just one of those sacrifices’ that we have to make if we want to have an extraordinaire lifestyle. We feel justified to say ‘Honey, I am doing this for us’. We have lost the importance of ‘family togetherness’ and replace ‘real happiness’ to a false one.

In my opinion most of us are our own chosen victims because we allow the modern world to dominate us for a ‘big show’ that none of us can afford if not at the expense of our ‘dear families’. It would be nicer if we could say more often, ‘Honey, I love you and I am home!!!’

The title of my blog is inspired by one of my favourite idiomatic expressions, “Fools rush in where angels fear to tread.” Until next time... be well.       

Best Friend

Best friend presents someone in our lives who by love and symbiotic relationship will give us the assurance that there is always one person whom we can turn to when we make a mess of ourselves. They hear us when we’re happy as well as when we’re sad. No one is more sympathetic than our best friends. It is not a question of who is right or wrong when we tell them our stories; they will be our friends and partners who will find reasons to take our sides. And just as your self esteem is going down they are there to cheer you up and say that things will get better soon. You can tell them your secret and no one can protect it more like yourself.

Best friends will give you company when you are sick - when your mind and bodily functions let you down they will lit you up. They can even be the first to know what you’re going through especially when you are worried that your family is not going to take it lightly. You can always rely on them. They’ll be anxiously with you until the doctor says okay. They’ll cry, laugh, jump, scream, eat or drink till you drop on unguarded moments. We can almost do anything with best friends and still feel comfortable. When bad times come you can kick each other but not for long - you forgive each other’s vulnerabilities afterwards.

There is a catch though, best friends are hard to find, and they are very rare like a diamond in a raft. They are those kind of people made from heaven. Probably you have found one already and that perfect instance that you know you have one is the best thing in the world. Whenever your best friend is close to you right now, drop everything and with a big gesture of surprise tell him/her that she is the best thing that ever happened to you. This show of big emotion is totally acceptable. After all what are best friends for?

Looking at the Royals

It is nice when things that we want

 Fall on our lap without effort

Yet when it does not happen that way

It is hard as we feel abandoned

Then we question ourselves

What did we do not to deserve what we wanted?

When others could easily have it

Like the life of the royals

We don’t even want life to that extent

Only comfortable and in our own homeland

Being with our whole family and childhood friends

Eating our own food and relaxing on a sunny weather

Ahh ... life does it have to be mysterious and complicated

 So we could appreciate its generosity

And find contentment and joy obviously not

From its complexity but its hidden simplicity
Like the royals we have our own kingdom
With full of hope and joy to go home to one day...

Forgive Thy Satirical Mind

To have a celebration of the death and resurrection of Jesus is a strong religious legacy every Christian follower share. Lenten season is a period that the story of Jesus is relived by the people who believed in him. It is when the power of faith once again dominates the world’s mundane views and the spirits of gratitude to Christ for saving us from our sins bequeath our almost lost will to surpass evil.

I was born a Roman Catholic and the power of my faith has helped me survived tough times. It is my experience that when I pray not only with my belief but with my soul my prayers are always answered. This is quiet an intriguing statement but before I go on further let me tell you this. I believe that every individual has a personal way of praying regardless of the influence of their religious rites. This is because each individual has a unique physical, mental and emotional state and preparation attached to the prayer.

That is why, as I said, when I pray with my soul my prayers are always answered because when I pray like this, deep in my heart I already knew it would be answered. The problem is I don’t always pray with my soul no matter how I try most of the time. It’s odd to think that maybe these are the times that I am not really convinced that I needed Him? I might be happy at that time yet on the surface I’d like to continue to appear religious. Who knows?

Reflecting on this Good Friday it has made me delved on the many inconsistencies that I do and yet are hidden inside me. Going to church for instance would make me appear a good Christian but am I really? Just recently I wished someone evil because I did not think that what he/she did to me was very humane. Funny enough but when you would ask me now whether I am a Christian I would never admit that I am not, of course I would claim, I am. It is because when I am judgmental, unkind, nasty, mean, jealous, greedy, liar, etc. these negative characteristics of mine do not necessarily show. I would still appear good within society's yardstick because I do go to church and do not steal my neighbour’s husband.

Yet I think it is a very long way for me to be called a ‘Christian’. As for now I am just grateful that my sins are forgiven over and over again. Personally this Lenten season is a sacred reminder - for me to ask forgiveness for my sins, listen to my conscience for a moment and to stop myself from being a hypocrite ... so help me Jesus. Amen.

With a touch of love let us recall and be thankful to Jesus Christ, our Lord for his atoning death on the cross. Advance Happy Easter!

  

The paradox of true love

Some people say that it needs two to feel the same for each other before true love could happen. I have a friend who is pretty stable and kind of happy with her married life and one day whilst we were in a cafe bar she told me that her husband is not her 'true love'. Shocked...No!!!

My point is that one would know if it is ‘true love'. I think ‘true love’ is more than just being together and romantic. It’s more than chemistry and butterflies in your stomach when you are with  this person. It’s even more than comforts and stability of having children and a home.

What is true love then? I believe that true love is feeling and crying secretly for someone out there. There is pain in your chest because this person has never left your heart, your insides. And if you were lucky to be with this person, you knew that you would be determined to be with him (r) not for any life’s conventions and compelling sacrifices. It is because you felt that (s) he has your heart and you knew in your gut that you would never stop saying...I love you till the end!!!

True love can only be real when it is 'too good to be true'. It's true essence is paradoxical - that is what I believe in. Maybe you think and feel differently from me and I respect that. You have your own true love’s paradox...you are entitled to keep it that way for as long as you are happy. Until next time...be well.

The irony of the phrase, “I do”

A long, cold winter is over and the warmth and blooming flowers of April spring promises a romantic setting for a beautiful wedding. In fact the most popular wedding the whole world is awaiting to witness this month is the royal wedding of Prince William and Kate.  What about you? Imagine that today is your wedding day. You are excited and happy. You feel like a new world is smiling to you and waiting for you to walk in. You have been dreaming for this, your ultimate joy and the final waiting stage of your relationship. Then you feel weird and petrified, mixed emotions running through your spine and suddenly you realised that you cannot go back anymore.  It’s the end of the road from your freedom of being single. With this sudden swift of fear, you ask yourself, ' is it still possible to say no and bid goodbye at this point?' Your conscience tells you that it is a catastrophic thing to do. Well of course this is not just an ordinary event - it is your big wedding and it must be a costly one too.  Besides everyone in your family and friends are waiting for this special occasion. With your wedding song in the air you remember of how much you wanted this so badly and now the day has come. As you are heading to the altar your decision is final, ‘you want to get married’. You feel ready to take on another road towards the journey of a married life. Has it ever made you wonder? A wedding is only a day of sacred and momentous ceremony in a couple’s life yet once it’s done it is meant to last a lifetime. Very ironic, huh?  Why do marital vows fail horribly sad in the end for some? Every couple intends to keep their vows and stay married forever in the first place. Is it a lack of personal serious decision making process or cultural unity or commitment and or a question of morals, familial dispute, etc?  Is it because the world is too modern and some marriages simply started with the most unusual and exceptional reasons. Like one young couple who married because one day they felt they were on top of the world and got separated the next when they realised that it was a spur of the moment thing. Bizarre and funny to accentuate but the phrase, ‘I do’ is an ongoing trend rather than a finest family tradition to honour and to cherish. Can long marriages die out through generation? Right now with an ever increasing divorce and separation, there is no doubt that society’s perception behind the sacred meaning of the vows; ‘I do’ has changed over the years. This leaves you to decide, for whatever it takes whether to follow the trend or keep a century’s tradition intact. May I end, saying, “Your marriage' fate lies in your hands.” I wish you a happy wedding day! Until next time...be well.        

With all my love...Happy Mother’s Day!!

Mother’s day is fast approaching. Some countries celebrate it on different dates from others. Here in UK this year it will fall on the 3rd of April.  How Mother’s day began and evolved from generation to generation is a story worth knowing. You may ask it from your folks and surely they will tell you with sentiments and if you like you may go to the web. Regardless how your country tells its own story one thing is for sure, ‘Mothers Day’ is celebrated to give recognition, appreciation and gratitude to all the mothers in the world for their unconditional love and sacrifices for their children. The reason why I am writing this was born out of curiosity of me as a mother. Inevitably I am confronted with difficult questions for myself to answer, ‘Am I a good mother?’ ‘Does my mothering skill deserving of this significant celebration?’ ‘What is it that I have done or haven’t done that made me a good or a bad one?’ Mentally the questions go on and on. I love the idea that I have a selection of the best answers to these questions to favour me indiscriminately but I can’t. To some point I have to be honest to myself – simply I am not good enough in as much as I would like to celebrate and scream to the world, ‘Hey folks I am a good mother and my children can vouch for it.’ ‘Ask them and they will tell you!’ I sound wholly critical of myself but its very hard not to. Looking back, I must admit I did not do too much for my kids. I love them yes but they never had me most of the time – to witness every little thing that matters to them including some big moments or decisions in their lives. If I could start again maybe I would be wiser and I would find a way to be always with them. I do know though that this judgment that I cast on myself is not the same judgment that my children have on me. It is an absolute certainty that my children love me. There is no doubt in my heart that they have understood my shortcomings and have forgiven me. Therefore I would like to conclude as you can tell that I am one of the luckiest mums in the world. To other mums who think I am too far out of your league, I salute you for being perfect. To the rest of mums who can identify with me, do not hammer yourselves, your children love you. Pardon me, I maybe lying here, your circumstances and your children probably maybe different from mine. Mothering after all is very complicated. Taking the positive side of life what constitutes a good or a bad mother is very mysterious to define. In this ever changing world kids are not as simple as we think they are.  Happy Mother’s Day!  Until next time...be well.

Destiny - Is it for you?

Do you believe in destiny?  I do and I can only speak for myself. I never really planned my future. I am the type who deals with life as it comes – laugh when it’s okay and cries when it’s not. I came from a middle class family. In terms of inheritance both my parents have substantial land properties. These did not necessarily provide sufficient cash flow. We siblings were told by our parents to study hard and get a degree to land a good job.  I have to confess though that I did not get through where I am now in a conventional 'student' way. There were so many ups and downs in my personal and career life. I lost my first relationship and I was in a different career. Regardless I dealt with my life with gusto and fun as it happens. Never surrendered and get depressed for long because I could not afford to. Then one day whilst working for a recruitment company, it suddenly occurred to me, why not become a nurse and avail these recruitment career opportunities abroad instead. At that time my boss told me, “are you mad, you have a lucrative job,” my mother advised me, “you are too old to study again, and”my cousin commented you have fear of germs, you’ll never make it.” The rest is history. You may argue I chose to be a nurse despite of discouragement. I remain to believe that it was a predestined choice as my awareness to do it unfolded at that precise point in my life. By the way a caption underneath my high school graduation album reads, “I want to become a nurse.” I deviated too long from becoming one (I was 33 years old when I started) but then in the end I chose to be a nurse. Do you have a long list of plans for your future?  May I suggest whatever you have in mind, do not forget to enjoy life...it is too short and you never know what’s around the corner? Remember this message is for you with a touch of love. Until next time...be well.

"Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder."

I'd like to start my blog about something that I have seen today. They were magical. I saw a plant with leaves so red and these leaves were blown by air that they appeared to be dancing underneath a bright sunny day. This plant has no flowers but when I looked at it from our lounge window it was beautiful. To me it radiated a sense of pride and beauty through its simplicity. Beside this red leaf plant was another plant with dainty yellow flowers blooming in unevenly fashion. The flowers were so pretty, I could see little flying bees hovering around their petals. To me these not so famous yellow flowers were so attractive - I wondered why passers by haven't noticed them or have they at another time or day? If nobody has noticed them, I have and hold on, there was a cob web on the red leaf plant and bees on the yellow one. Obviously these little creatures (have not seen the spider only the web) have noticed them too but did not go for the same plant. They seemingly have their own nature's needs and reasons? For me, I believe and I quote, "Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder." With a touch of love, I'd like to say this to you - you are beautiful and you are special, maybe not to  everyone's eyes, yet there is always someone.......:) I hope you have enjoyed reading our subject today. I'll try to take pics of these plants so I can post them for you to see. Until next time...be well.